I Can Really Use A Wish Right Now

Looking up to the night sky to see you there,
But you've all ready got company.
I don't seem to care who's around,
For I really need to speak with you now.

One wish I tell you
Two wishes follow behind
Three wishes I want to say
But my lips stopped me at the one.

I wish to see that smiling face.
I wish to hear that voice again.
These photographs do not compare to you being here.
I only have these two rings you used to wear.

And so there is
One wish I would tell you
Two more would follow close behind
Three I want to say
But you're so far away.

I carry those pieces of you with me now
It's not the same as having you here.

Twinkle, twinkle little...
One wish I want tell you
How I wonder...
Two more would come crashing through
Up above the world so high...
These three wishes look for you in the night sky.

I’m Always In This Twilight…

I close my eyes to hear your voice once more. How I miss you so. I wonder where you have gone. How I wish I could follow you on your journey but I know I shall not. Within all these thoughts of you I think about the difference that I have had on the people’s lives around me.

Was I a positive influence on them? Did I ever bring them pain? Did I ever do something to anger them or to make them happy?

If I am remembered at all in this life I hope it is in a positive note. Each little thing we do in our lives has some kind of affect on someone else’s life. I strive to always make it a positive affect. But if I ever hurt someone then I truly apologize.

A friend of mine once told me, ‘There’s nothing on my end worth looking at.’ and I always meant to tell him how completely and utterly wrong he was. There is everything on his end worth looking at. The exterior matches his interior perfectly and he shouldn’t think otherwise. Not that he’d remember this conversation anyway; I just figured I’d say it now rather then never saying it at all.

I want to say one thing to my friends, I do love you. It doesn’t matter if I don’t know you that well. I would still be torn up inside without your presence as I would be with others I know better. You all have a profound affect in my life and any little piece that goes away takes that little piece with them. You are all unique and for that no one can take your place.

There are certain people who will always hold my heart whether they know it or not. Most likely they don’t know it.

This all may seem completely random but after reading a few books I felt that I should get these things out there. Have a lovely evening people. ☺

Mirror, Mirror

Mirror, mirror on the wall
Whose fallen image do you befall?

Two green stained windows with
Hazel in the center do thee stare.
And gently do the soft black curtains
Cover with care.

Surrounded by rosy pale walls
Leading down to the gentle pink
Cushions at the end of the hall.

Thy auburn shadows sometimes pass
With gleaming beams of sunshine
That peak through the glass.

The windows and the cushions
Are much like a shell
For behind them are many stories that
They could tell.

If one is willing to look behind these
Windows and cushions shells
You may be surprised
By what you will entail.

All these things could be used to
Describe the image of me that you see.

And so oh mirror, mirror on the wall,
The image that you see before you
Is not really the image of me at all.

I Have To Let You Know…

… I don’t want to let you go…

It has been quite a while since a song has affected me on a personal level. I bought the album Raditude by Weezer the other day and the song that I have pretty much had on repeat since I heard it was I Don’t Want To Let You Go.

It’s hard to explain exactly why this song struck a chord with me. Perhaps it was the honesty of the lyrics or the pretty melody. Perhaps it was the memories, thoughts, and images this song created that made me fall so in love with it. Or, it was a combination of it all.

One line that I love is “I have lost all hope of being normal once again.” It doesn’t sound like a very positive one but to me I took it as positive. Giving up on the fact that I will never be “normal” seemed like such a relief for me. Because, what is normal? I have never found a clear definition of the word that I have agreed with. So, to just be a non-normal person seems normal to me.

I love the lyrics to this song. When I listen to this song the memories that I haven’t thought about in ages came creeping back to my mind. Those are the things that I don’t want to let go of. The memories I had, the feelings I felt, everything. If I was a braver person I’d say many things that were in my mind or how I was feeling but I am not. For that I hold on to those things inside. Where I can keep them safe.

I know it isn’t right, but for me it is enough to admit things to myself first. One day I’ll let it all out with courage. But, for now it is for me.

If you all have the time you should check out the song. Here is a link to it:



Night!

I’m Just No Good For You

An open letter to you.

Hi there,

By now you should be reading this letter while you play whatever random music you have playing at the moment.

Well, I wanted to let you know I did receive your letter you sent me. I am very flattered by what you have written but your perception of me is not real. Trying to find the words that won’t hurt your or even come off as rude is becoming more and more of a challenge as I write this to you.

There are a million things that I could list to prove your thoughts of me as false. But I will simply state that I am just no good for you. You deserve someone who you can depend on and who isn’t a flake such as I. You deserve to be with a man who has confidence in himself. You certainly could be with a much better looking man than myself.

I am not smart or talented or even funny. I really would be a terrible match for you. I don’t say these things to hurt you or to say that oh I don’t know. It is because I think the world of you that I think you could do much better than myself no matter how I felt. I won’t let you settle for the coal when you can get the diamond. I will just hold you back and I don’t want that for you.

I see great things for you and I don’t want to be the thing that keeps you from reaching greatness. So my friend will you please promise me you will continue on your quest for greatness? I know you will find that man whom you wrote about in that letter you sent me. Take care.

- The Coal.


This is just something that came to me as I was watching an interview with an actor. I am thinking of posting the response from the girl. We shall see. Enjoy!

Trying To Reach My Happy Place

It doesn’t seem to be working too well at the moment.

All I want is to go to my happy place. A little place in my mind where everything is calm and quiet. A place where I can find clarity in the mess that I call my brain.

I try to drown out the TV. The screaming one year old. The all around chatter that is from the people in my household.

I put on my headphones and search for a song. Any song. Just one song that I can listen to that will drown out all of that mess.

First song. Not helping. I turn the volume up. Nope, didn’t help. I can still hear it all.

I need to get to my happy place. I need to reach it.

Next song, was a waste since it was mostly noise anyway.

I still hear the mess. I still feel like I am going insane. I turn the volume up four notches. Please get me to my happy place.

I found a song. Still isn’t loud enough though. I turn it up another five notches. The music is pounding on my eardrums. I close my eyes and press the headphones harder against my ears. I will reach my happy place.

I am venturing into this world of mine where I am free. I have no responsibilities. I have no worries. All I hear is my song. The song that is aiding me on my quest to find my happy place. It doesn’t matter if the volume is too loud. I like it loud.

Each note that hits my ears is a pleasure. I can breathe. I am reaching that grassy field in the sun and I am reaching clarity. I need to reach my happy place.

I can feel the sun. I just need to go a little further. I don’t care how much the volume hurts I just want everything to go away. I just want to be in my happy place.

No more tears. No more yells. No more fits. No more anything. JUST PEACE!

I sit and endure the pain until I reach my happy place.

Ahh, Swedish Films

La Film Festival Recap – Day 4: Last Day

Day 4 – Theatre shift at the Billy Wilder Theatre – Film: You, The Living

So the day had it’s fair share of hits and misses on my way to the film festival. I left early so I can go to work to pick up my check so I could cash it. Only to realize that I had left my bus schedule on the dining room table. Luckily my sister would meet me on the bus to give it to me.

Like the past couple of days before I had arrived in Westwood a couple of hours early. This time I couldn’t stop at The Corner Bakery Café. I had to scout for an easy location my grandfather could pick my up from. Soon, I remember parking lot 36 from the Kodak Speed Dating day. I told him where to pick me up and I decided to check out the local art exhibit that was ending that week.

The exhibit was on Shinjo Ito’s work. It had all of his sculptures, photographs and other works. It was a free exhibit and when I walked in they gave me a free gift. It was kind of warm inside but the work was very lovely. They had this book were guests could sign their name, draw or write a message. I wrote a small message and took advantage of the other colors that were available and drew a little smiley face.

I still had some time before I had to go start my shift over at the Billy Wilder Theatre. So I went to this local Italian Ice Cream shop. I got a cup of Tiramisu flavored gelato. It was amazing to feel the cold slide down my throat. I was instantly chilled and I decided to read up on the other facts that were on other ice creams from the flyer in front of me. I also decided to see what my gift was that I had got at the art exhibit. It was a pendent like thing. It had a star, two circles and a white piece with Shinjo Ito’s signature on it. It really is quite lovely and I have it on my work badge now.

Once I finished my treat I decided to walk around the now busy Westwood. It was definitely different than what I had initially experienced the day before. It wasn’t quite as pleasant. With all the honking and stuff it took away from the quaintness of it all.

Before I knew it, it was time to go start my shift. I arrive and wait for a bit before my shift manager, Danielle, arrives. Only one other scheduled volunteer showed up. It wasn’t very long before two more showed up that were sent from other locations. We helped manage the lines and this time my job duty was to pass out the voting ballot to the people.

What I liked about this last shift was that I actually got to watch the film itself. It is pretty random but I found myself laughing and I was glad that I got to watch at least one film from the festival.

After the film let out I helped collect and count the tickets and ballots. I had to stay a little bit over my time because well, only one person from the next shift showed up and there was no one else to cover for me. Once someone showed up I was allowed to leave and not too long after that I met up with my grandfather.

So ends my LA Film Fest adventure. I am sure I will be volunteering again next year. It was a very pleasant experience and I liked meeting all the new people I came across. Thank you all for reading. ☺