It’s All In The Smile

My version of falling in love.

I have never been in love but I think I've come as close to it as I can and I like to call them extreme crushes.

I was sitting there lost in my thoughts. I see you, I see you pass by the window. The door opens and you smile. It's all in the smile; it's always in the smile. It was at that moment I fell for you. With introductions going around the class I just remember being nervous as you reached me.

Getting to work as fast as I could, I try to occupy my mind with other thoughts that weren't you. After an hour your voice breaks my concentration. I can feel every fiber of my being tightening. I struggled to get out the words of "I'm fine". The fact that you even wanted to talk to me made my skin blush.

As time went on I saw your smile more. With each smile I was falling deeper and deeper into this pit that felt so good. I could speak to you without stumbling and I could actually hold a conversation. I could make you laugh, and I tried as much as I could just to see that heart-breaking smile again.

Looking into your shinning eyes behind the spectacles. Getting lost in those eyes. I talked to you more than I actually did the work. I always managed to finish the job though. You always made the end of my day. End of the term came the first hug. I was walking in the clouds. It was unexpected but it just felt so good. My smile never faded for the rest of the night. Even now, the thought of it brings back that same smile.

Next term, I had you again. It was a relief to see that smile again. Oh, how I missed that smile. But, this term went by too fast. I was leaving that place and when I told you, your eyes lost their sparkle. A smile was painted on and your voice lowered. My eyes lowered at the thought of having to say goodbye to you. I dreaded that day that I would eventually say the words.

The day I had been dreading for months now has come. As usual you were there smiling and warming up my heart. Then the time came, and things turned cold. It was just you and I. Looking into your eyes one last time, it took all that I had inside not to fall apart in front of you. I didn't want to say it and I didn't want you to say it. You put your arms around me. For that moment, which I prayed would last an eternity, I held on to you and you held on to me. It hurt to pull apart, it hurt even worse to look at you. You started speaking the words I didn't want you speak. We walked together to the elevator and we talked for as long as we could. It was my floor and we walked off together. The distance grew between us and we said the words that I never wanted to say to you.

Once I walked out the door and out of your sight I couldn't breathe. I couldn't hold back the floods and it all poured out. My heart broke and I missed you. I still miss you. So I say again the words I never wanted to say, Goodbye. Goodbye to the man who made me feel so good.