It doesn’t seem to be working too well at the moment.
All I want is to go to my happy place. A little place in my mind where everything is calm and quiet. A place where I can find clarity in the mess that I call my brain.
I try to drown out the TV. The screaming one year old. The all around chatter that is from the people in my household.
I put on my headphones and search for a song. Any song. Just one song that I can listen to that will drown out all of that mess.
First song. Not helping. I turn the volume up. Nope, didn’t help. I can still hear it all.
I need to get to my happy place. I need to reach it.
Next song, was a waste since it was mostly noise anyway.
I still hear the mess. I still feel like I am going insane. I turn the volume up four notches. Please get me to my happy place.
I found a song. Still isn’t loud enough though. I turn it up another five notches. The music is pounding on my eardrums. I close my eyes and press the headphones harder against my ears. I will reach my happy place.
I am venturing into this world of mine where I am free. I have no responsibilities. I have no worries. All I hear is my song. The song that is aiding me on my quest to find my happy place. It doesn’t matter if the volume is too loud. I like it loud.
Each note that hits my ears is a pleasure. I can breathe. I am reaching that grassy field in the sun and I am reaching clarity. I need to reach my happy place.
I can feel the sun. I just need to go a little further. I don’t care how much the volume hurts I just want everything to go away. I just want to be in my happy place.
No more tears. No more yells. No more fits. No more anything. JUST PEACE!
I sit and endure the pain until I reach my happy place.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Ahh, Swedish Films
La Film Festival Recap – Day 4: Last Day
Day 4 – Theatre shift at the Billy Wilder Theatre – Film: You, The Living
So the day had it’s fair share of hits and misses on my way to the film festival. I left early so I can go to work to pick up my check so I could cash it. Only to realize that I had left my bus schedule on the dining room table. Luckily my sister would meet me on the bus to give it to me.
Like the past couple of days before I had arrived in Westwood a couple of hours early. This time I couldn’t stop at The Corner Bakery Café. I had to scout for an easy location my grandfather could pick my up from. Soon, I remember parking lot 36 from the Kodak Speed Dating day. I told him where to pick me up and I decided to check out the local art exhibit that was ending that week.
The exhibit was on Shinjo Ito’s work. It had all of his sculptures, photographs and other works. It was a free exhibit and when I walked in they gave me a free gift. It was kind of warm inside but the work was very lovely. They had this book were guests could sign their name, draw or write a message. I wrote a small message and took advantage of the other colors that were available and drew a little smiley face.
I still had some time before I had to go start my shift over at the Billy Wilder Theatre. So I went to this local Italian Ice Cream shop. I got a cup of Tiramisu flavored gelato. It was amazing to feel the cold slide down my throat. I was instantly chilled and I decided to read up on the other facts that were on other ice creams from the flyer in front of me. I also decided to see what my gift was that I had got at the art exhibit. It was a pendent like thing. It had a star, two circles and a white piece with Shinjo Ito’s signature on it. It really is quite lovely and I have it on my work badge now.
Once I finished my treat I decided to walk around the now busy Westwood. It was definitely different than what I had initially experienced the day before. It wasn’t quite as pleasant. With all the honking and stuff it took away from the quaintness of it all.
Before I knew it, it was time to go start my shift. I arrive and wait for a bit before my shift manager, Danielle, arrives. Only one other scheduled volunteer showed up. It wasn’t very long before two more showed up that were sent from other locations. We helped manage the lines and this time my job duty was to pass out the voting ballot to the people.
What I liked about this last shift was that I actually got to watch the film itself. It is pretty random but I found myself laughing and I was glad that I got to watch at least one film from the festival.
After the film let out I helped collect and count the tickets and ballots. I had to stay a little bit over my time because well, only one person from the next shift showed up and there was no one else to cover for me. Once someone showed up I was allowed to leave and not too long after that I met up with my grandfather.
So ends my LA Film Fest adventure. I am sure I will be volunteering again next year. It was a very pleasant experience and I liked meeting all the new people I came across. Thank you all for reading. ☺
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
So I Waited…
LA Film Festival Recap – Day 3
Day 3 – Shift at the Volunteer Booth at the corner of Kinross and Broxton
It was another early day to start at the festival. So naturally I was in Westwood entirely too early like the day before. Only since, I have discovered the Corner Bakery I had some place to rest and have a nice breakfast. The only problem was I now had an extra half hour and since I was done with my food I decided to take a stroll around Westwood in this early hour.
The shops were starting to open and the way the sunlight hit the windows reminded me of some place I was in a dream I had in the distant path. It felt peaceful; it was like I was walking somewhere close to home. I was alone but not really alone. People were around me but I was alone in my thoughts.
One thought was, “I would like to live here one day.” It really was that lovely. As busy as Westwood is, in the morning it feels like a small town in the middle of nowhere. Everyone is pleasant and the shops are quaint. I realized that I had walked entirely too fast and I still had some time before my shift was to start. So another stroll around the block it was. Once I found it to be early enough to head over to the booth I found that no one was there yet. The booth was completely closed.
I sit on a near by bench and I read a festival guide that someone has left behind. Once I had read that through I just sat there waiting. I waited, and waited and waited. My shift was supposed to start at 9:30AM but no one was there. I got tired of sitting so I went to stand by the booth hoping that someone would arrive.
It was just after 10AM when Nancy and Tracy finally showed up. They apologized for being late. Soon after that I had to follow Nancy back to the office to help her bring back some things to the booth. On the way there she asked me how I was enjoying the festival so far. I told her I really enjoyed the theatre shift but when it came to the Kodak Speed Dating I didn’t like that as much. The look and her face was that of an “Uh Oh..” she said “Well, you may have to go there again today. They are short on volunteers.” I screamed in my mind. I begged and pleaded with her hoping that my vibrations would some how reach her and change her mind about sending me back to the dreaded Kodak Speed Dating.
Once we finished with the office stuff we had to walk back to the now dreaded Target Red Room. Once we were inside we were informed that I was no longer needed. I am not sorry to say that I let out a huge sigh of relief. Soon I was back at the volunteer booth getting the rundown of how things were done there. From then on I mostly just sat and looked at the festival guide and answered questions for people.
I only got to leave the booth twice. The first time was to go to the office to pick up some more badges for the booth. The second time I was to help out on transportation pick up. I soon met my companion for the ride, Anderson. We were driving to LAX to pick up a filmmaker. He is originally from England and he was quite amusing. I learned that he was an acting couch that specializes in children. The song “No Air” by Jordin Sparks came on the radio. Anderson commented, “This song was nice the first thousand times I have heard it.” and I responded, “Funny, I’ve never heard it before.” He looked very surprised. He then said “It has been playing non-stop since it hit the radio. I swear every other song they play it.”
Soon we reached LAX but we arrived at the wrong terminal. Once we found the correct terminal it felt like a wild goose hunt trying to find Virgin America’s arrival board. When I finally reached it I saw that the filmmakers flight had been delayed. With a quick phone call to Anderson he told me to then wait by the doors where the passengers would be walking out. It was 1:17PM and I really had to use the bathroom so I ran to use the bathroom all the while praying that I hadn’t missed the filmmaker.
I then stood by the doors for over a half hour before the filmmaker arrived. He was very friendly and he apologized for having me wait for so long. We then took him to his hotel and Anderson dropped me off at the ticket office and we said our goodbyes. And so that ends my third day at the festival!
Day 3 – Shift at the Volunteer Booth at the corner of Kinross and Broxton
It was another early day to start at the festival. So naturally I was in Westwood entirely too early like the day before. Only since, I have discovered the Corner Bakery I had some place to rest and have a nice breakfast. The only problem was I now had an extra half hour and since I was done with my food I decided to take a stroll around Westwood in this early hour.
The shops were starting to open and the way the sunlight hit the windows reminded me of some place I was in a dream I had in the distant path. It felt peaceful; it was like I was walking somewhere close to home. I was alone but not really alone. People were around me but I was alone in my thoughts.
One thought was, “I would like to live here one day.” It really was that lovely. As busy as Westwood is, in the morning it feels like a small town in the middle of nowhere. Everyone is pleasant and the shops are quaint. I realized that I had walked entirely too fast and I still had some time before my shift was to start. So another stroll around the block it was. Once I found it to be early enough to head over to the booth I found that no one was there yet. The booth was completely closed.
I sit on a near by bench and I read a festival guide that someone has left behind. Once I had read that through I just sat there waiting. I waited, and waited and waited. My shift was supposed to start at 9:30AM but no one was there. I got tired of sitting so I went to stand by the booth hoping that someone would arrive.
It was just after 10AM when Nancy and Tracy finally showed up. They apologized for being late. Soon after that I had to follow Nancy back to the office to help her bring back some things to the booth. On the way there she asked me how I was enjoying the festival so far. I told her I really enjoyed the theatre shift but when it came to the Kodak Speed Dating I didn’t like that as much. The look and her face was that of an “Uh Oh..” she said “Well, you may have to go there again today. They are short on volunteers.” I screamed in my mind. I begged and pleaded with her hoping that my vibrations would some how reach her and change her mind about sending me back to the dreaded Kodak Speed Dating.
Once we finished with the office stuff we had to walk back to the now dreaded Target Red Room. Once we were inside we were informed that I was no longer needed. I am not sorry to say that I let out a huge sigh of relief. Soon I was back at the volunteer booth getting the rundown of how things were done there. From then on I mostly just sat and looked at the festival guide and answered questions for people.
I only got to leave the booth twice. The first time was to go to the office to pick up some more badges for the booth. The second time I was to help out on transportation pick up. I soon met my companion for the ride, Anderson. We were driving to LAX to pick up a filmmaker. He is originally from England and he was quite amusing. I learned that he was an acting couch that specializes in children. The song “No Air” by Jordin Sparks came on the radio. Anderson commented, “This song was nice the first thousand times I have heard it.” and I responded, “Funny, I’ve never heard it before.” He looked very surprised. He then said “It has been playing non-stop since it hit the radio. I swear every other song they play it.”
Soon we reached LAX but we arrived at the wrong terminal. Once we found the correct terminal it felt like a wild goose hunt trying to find Virgin America’s arrival board. When I finally reached it I saw that the filmmakers flight had been delayed. With a quick phone call to Anderson he told me to then wait by the doors where the passengers would be walking out. It was 1:17PM and I really had to use the bathroom so I ran to use the bathroom all the while praying that I hadn’t missed the filmmaker.
I then stood by the doors for over a half hour before the filmmaker arrived. He was very friendly and he apologized for having me wait for so long. We then took him to his hotel and Anderson dropped me off at the ticket office and we said our goodbyes. And so that ends my third day at the festival!
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