Introductions

Getting to know someone new can be interesting…

My sisters first introduced me to you. I took a glance at your ‘About Me’ on the site. My lovely, darling sisters are sure you are the one for me.

I see you like to read, well I don’t think like quite describes it. You read quite a bit and I really like that. You travel, well what do you know? I have just started my interest in traveling. Maybe you and I can discuss what places I can visit. Everything that was written on that about me was something I liked. Finally when curiosity bit me I managed to see your photo and well it matches the words you have written completely.

The two things I notice first in people are the eyes and the smile. It’s important for me to get a feeling from those two things. Your eyes put me at ease and they show kindness. Your smile is warm and inviting, you give me no other option but to smile back.

You initiated the start of the communication, the very one my sisters wanted me to choose. You asked me five simple questions to which I answered. I sent you five simple questions that you answered. Guided communication, it’s a pretty safe way to move things forward. You now know my must haves and can’t stands and I know yours. Next came the three questions. I am slowly letting you get to know me and I getting to know you. Can we get past this guided communication thing now?

There is so much more I’d like to get to know. I cannot remember the last time I checked my e-mails so much to see if you responded. The three questions I sent, your answers were just divine. You showed you had humor and romance. I loved how you have goals and are passionate about them.

It was like a little celebration when we got to open communication. But, alas like the others before I await your response. Time isn’t going so fast anymore and I like that. Thank you for making me wait, thank you for making me take in the time. I hope all is well on your end and I do enjoy getting to know you more.

Rain

You and I have much catching to do!

I miss your cool, gentle touch. Blowing sweet nothings into my ear and giving me fresh kisses. I long to take an extended stroll with you. Just to get lost in you and feel free again.

You make me feel ok. You wash away every thing that troubles me and you make me brand new. I have missed being comforted by you. I rarely get to see you except on the occasional visit you have with Thunder and Lightning, whom you know I dislike! Or you come out when I am simply not available. Have I done something to offend you?

Do you remember when we danced? I remember when you came to visit me on my way home from school. It was the last day of the quarter and to be quite honest, I was feeling pretty low. But, you came full swing and rinsed away my apprehensions. You were there for me when I needed you in Oklahoma and I thank you for that.

I finally got to have a small visit with you today. Though, our visit was entirely way too short. I can still smell you on my clothes and I do hope you stick around for a while. I need some cleansing from you. I miss you my friend. May we twirl or have a long walk together.

--------------------

Thanks riceflour for the inspiration to write this.

I Fainted...

What a couple of days can do to a person.

Monday I started to feel stomach cramps and I noticed that I had the liquid poo syndrome, also known as Diarrhea. So, I ate a banana and took some Immodium.

After my baby cousins left I was now stuck lying on the couch because of the pain I was having in my stomach. I was watching the Santa Claus with my mother when I feel the sudden urge to gag. Gagging turned into vomiting and I threw up all of the contents that I had that day. Water and a banana, probably some stomach acid too but it didn’t burn coming out like it usually does. My mother made me some Ginger tea and I lied there falling in and out of sleep. My sister Janice and her boyfriend bought me a 20 oz bottle of 7-Up. That helped my stomach settle much better than the tea or water I had been drinking.

I ended up spending the night on the couch and not in my comfy bed. I started my shift in watching my baby cousins. It was a typical day only my legs hurt as well as my lower back, I blame the couch, and the continued nausea. I had not eaten anything and even when I made the babies their food I still did not eat. Later that day baby Becca decided that she no longer wanted in her playpen and she put her little legs over and went face first to the tile floor below. I rushed to her and picked her screaming body up. Her mouth was covered in blood and I went to the kitchen and started to wet paper towels to wipe away the blood. My sister Connie comes out of the room and once she sees the bloods around Becca’s mouth she starts freaking out. I am trying to hold Becca and get her to bite down on the paper towel and yet still keep my sister calm.

My arm is now tired from holding little Becca and I hand her off to Connie. My head suddenly becomes light and fuzzy. I feel out of breath and I grab on to the stove to catch my breath and then everything goes black. Apparently I fell into my sister and she grabbed me and I told her, “What are you doing, I am fine?” and I remember her saying something like “No you’re not!” and then, this is the fall I remember, I fell on my ass on the tile floor in the kitchen taking down my sister as she is hold poor baby Becca. At this point there is no claming down my sister and she is screaming bloody murder for my sister Janice to come out of the shower and to help her out. Now, I feel fine and I want to get up but Connie insists that I stay seated and she rushes to the bathroom with Becca in her arms and bangs on the door continuously screaming, “Janice get out here now! This is serious!” Once she and Janice have their share of words she comes back and gives me a piece of bread and a bottle of water. She calls our aunt and tries to get advice as to what to do next. She felt I was fine to get up and go to the couch she insisted I at least put one arm around her as I get moved back to the dreaded couch. Once my sister Janice gets out of the bathroom she insists I have to eat something and makes me soup. Her boyfriend comes and gets me another 20oz of 7-Up.

My aunt comes over and has a look at me and she says I looked fine but if I fainted again to see the doctor. Even if I faint a week later, and that she thinks the main reason why I fainted was cause of the stress of Becca screaming in my ear and seeing the blood. She explained to me what causes people to faint and things of that nature. Needless to say my family made sure I ate that day.

Then comes today, I decided that last night I would sleep in my own bed and not on that damned couch. Only to wake at 4am coughing my brains out because I was congested in my chest once more. Not only was I waking up Connie, but also my stomach was not getting upset so I decide to move back to the couch. My mother thinks I have developed an allergy to Connie’s cat. She suggests I try one more night on the couch. All day my stomach felt tight but I made sure to eat something and my sisters made sure I ate as well. Now, this evening my throat is really bugging me and my voice is scratchy. So Janice made me some tea. This is what being sick has caused me over the course of three days. If it’s not one thing it is another.

So, that is the reason why I haven’t been writing lately and once I get the time to not be sick I will continue with my little vampire series. Evening all!

Don’t Try To Fix Me I’m Not Broken

That is mostly true.

Have you ever heard a song that just brings out all kinds of emotions? Well, for me at the moment that song is Hello by the band Evanescence.

I was looking through an old hard-drive of mine and I was listening to the songs that were on there and I came across that song and it brought back a lot of memories and now it pretty much fits with my current emotions.

When I first listened to this song I was writing a feature screenplay for school. The overall tone of the story was dark and depressing and I needed some sad music to get me to that place. For me that song was one of many songs that hit the spot. It helped me accomplish my goal of writing the script. I didn’t actually have anything really to be depressed about.

Now that I am listening to the song again about two years or so later, I have something to feel depressed about. With the holidays coming up they don’t seem to be as jolly as they once were. I myself am getting tired of the rush of emotions that I go through. One moment I am fine and then the next the simple thought or memory can spark my mood to do a sudden change and then I wipe away tears. But, honestly you have you let the emotions do their things. If you try and bottle them up they will be released somehow and I really think it’s not good to hold them in. So as much as I am frustrated with them I just have to let them take their course.

There is one line in the song that I think will pretty much fit how I will be over the holidays and such. The line is “If I smile and don’t believe.” The amount of forced smiles I will be doing just describes it perfectly. I think that will be all for now. Take care people!

P.S. Chelle, I went to Disneyland on Tuesday and I told my friend about how you killed Pooh and every time we saw Pooh there we just laughed. It was one of the things that made our day so fun. Thanks for sharing that story again!

Words From A Writer

What I seem to have taken for granted.

Yesterday when I started talking to that writer on the train he asked my mother and I what we did, meaning profession. I of course said, “Aspiring screenwriter.” with a smile. He smiled and said “Good luck! Just keep working at it. Never give up.” He spoke to my mom about her job at the county and when he found out that she was my mother the tone changed a little. He said, “That’s good you support her. Never stop supporting her. There are a lot of people out there that won’t support others when they say they want to be a writer. When they find out they say ‘don’t do that, you won’t go anywhere.’ So keep supporting her.” Shortly after that he found his stop and left.

Those words stuck with me. I really have taken for granted that I have the amount of supporters in my life. A part of me always assumed that the people you care for most would support you in your life choices. And in reality there are a lot of people who would say otherwise. I am so unbelievably lucky that I have people that support me and I will always be forever grateful for them.

Like I said, speaking to the writer yesterday made the day worth it. Seeing that smile on his face knowing that we are out there supporting him made what they were fighting for all the more worth it. I don’t think he will ever know it but that writer did more than give me advice yesterday. I honestly he’s made me a better person and for that I thank you. May you get all that you hope for and more. I am honored to have met you.

My 1st Attempt To Picket

What happened on this odd day.

I woke up a tad late this morning but I still managed to wake my sister up so she can get ready for work. I had planned on leaving for the bus with my mother at about 10am. We just had to wait for my aunt’s fiancé to come and drop off my mother’s bus pass and pick up my aunt’s car keys. He came shortly before ten and we left shortly after that. Because of all the waiting busses make you do we arrived at Universal Studios around 12:30pm.

We see the picketers across the street and I hear the cars drive by honking their horns. One after the other a honk here and a honk there and a honk, honk everywhere. Normally when I hear cars honking I get the sudden burst of anger and I’d like to shout out at the top of my lung. Not today, today I got the sense of honor. They were honking for my people, they were honking for the very people I honor and respect. If a simple little honk made me feel pretty darn good, and I wasn’t even picketing yet, can you imagine how the actual picketers felt? It is a certain boost of moral and it always a joy to know that there are people out there who understand and support you and your cause.

My mother and I cross the street to the picketers and we ask how we could go about getting a sign because we were offering our services. Unfortunately all the signs were being used and there really was not much else to do. They thanked us for our support so my mother and I crossed the street again to try and figure something else. We could have just kept walking back and for across the street with the picketers, but for some reason without a sign it would have looked odd to me. The sudden wave or helplessness and being un-useful came over me and I felt just terrible for dragging my mother all the way down there when she could have been in bed resting. My mother decided we should go to city walk, eat some lunch and check back. By the time we finished lunch the shift for the picketers was coming to a close.

As we waited to cross the street I over-hear one of the picketers shout “Go Jaguars!! WOOO AHHHH!” and I smile because I know who the Jaguars are! They are a strike team that the screenwriter, John August, discussed in his blog. I suddenly felt giddy again but then as we left I still felt distressed that I couldn’t do more for them. I didn’t have enough money to buy them all food nor anything to drink. So I was basically useless.

My mother and I got on to the train and headed home. Much to our surprise one of the writer’s that was picketing stood by us. We told him that we supported him and the other writers and the smile that was on his face made the day worth it. He thanked us for our support. We discussed the strike a little and I was informed that there was going to be another rally on Hollywood Blvd next Tuesday. All the unions are supposed to meet up so hopefully this gets them the much-needed attention that they deserve. I was also informed of how to get into the WGA. For those of your writers who are curious, you have to sell one feature length script or sell three thirty-minute episodes for a TV show. One-way to help ease your way into the WGA is through a fellowship with a studio. He suggested ABC since that was how he did it back in the day. I looked up the information and when they put the application back up I will be jumping at that like Christmas in July! First I must find out if I can even still apply since the strike and all. I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize my chance of joining the WGA. Sounds like a great program though and if I can get out of my “lovely” cashier job I would definitely be overjoyed! Shortly after that the writer left and I never got his name. I say thanks to you my fellow peer! Thank you for your advice and know I support you!

When He Saw Her Pt. 2

Finally my continuation to the original Flash Fiction.

Ok, I have decided to keep adding to this story and I apologize to people like Lycander for taking so long to add on it to. I thought it would be interesting to keep my continuations as a 100-word limit short. I will see how it turns out. For those who would like to catch up on the original here is the link: When He Saw Her

The door explodes open as he runs out into the cold and damp alley. No recollection of what has happened prior to the discovery of his lovely corpse. The last thing he remembers his holding he beloved in his arms and smelling her sweet scent of Cherry Blossoms.

After what seems to be an eternity he finally stops running to catch his breath. Each breath he takes becomes slower and slower. Screams echoing in the distance move suddenly surrounding him. He looks around but there is nothing but darkness surrounds him at least that is until he sees those eyes.

“What are you going to do for the holiday?”

I think I will go picketing.

Ever since this Writer Guild went on strike I have been paying extra attention to the news and have been looking for articles about it on the news. Why? Well, I am an aspiring screenwriter and I want to know what is going on. I have wanted to go down and picket ever since my favorite blog writing/Screenwriter, John August, invited his readers down to join him. I feel that is really important to go and show my support because those are my fellow peers and they are fighting for the rights that the current and aspiring writers should have. I know that if they get what they want it will be a better situation for me when I get out into the industry.

I baby-sit four days and week and then on my weekends I work my lovely cashier job. So I have not been able to join my fellow peers at the picket lines. It turns out that since Monday is a holiday and I will more than likely not be babysitting I will have a chance to actually go down there and show my support. I would like to extend the invitation out to all that are in the area to go down and support the writers as well. Whether it is by a honk or actually holding a sign. It would mean so much to the writers out there to know that they are supported. To read more information about the strike here is a link to John August’s blog: John August

Upcoming events for me that I am looking forward to are as listed:

- Picketing on Monday
- Disneyland on Tuesday
- Getting paid on Thursday

Take care everyone!

Burned Cereal and Silly Brits

My thoughts on random subjects.

I was having a discussion with my dear friend Marina about her moving to Oregon when she mentions to me that she has a friend who has burned cereal. My only thought was, “How on earth do you burn cereal?” When I asked her this she said her friend wanted his Cheerios toasted so he put a blowtorch to them. Has anyone else wanted his or her cereal toasted? I know I have not had the sudden urge to toast up my cereal. Is this a common thing that I have not discovered until now?

The next subject would be the silly laws that London has. The article can be found Here.

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that these laws exist because well, doesn’t America have some outlandish laws lying around somewhere? It was humorous for me to read especially since I had just had a comment conversation with Ricey in her I Should Have Known post about the BBC America shows and such. I shall take this as a sign that the BBC wants me to watch their network again! They do miss me and I must admit I miss them as well!

Another thing that was brought up in that conversation was is it chic to be a geek? I think of myself as a geek in many ways and I feel that the best people in the world are geeks. They are lovable, funny, caring, intelligent and many other good qualities. What do you think?

As with many things I need to catch up on I am now catching up on my Chevelle fix. After seeing them twice last week I have realized how much I missed listening to their music. Just now they came up on my playlist on iTunes and now I have it set to play nothing but them. There is nothing like good music to get you in a better mood.

Chevelle is from Chicago and I say this just so I can move on to another random subject of me finding a killer deal on a roundtrip plane ticket to Chicago next August that will only cost me $47.50 or something like that if I buy it now or soon. I am considering buying my ticket early but apart of me wants to make sure my friend is in town at that time otherwise I will be staying a week at the lovely O’Hare airport. We shall see. I’ll update later on what I plan on doing for a whole week there. I guess that shall be all for tonight. I am off to drift off into Chevelle Land.

House of Blues on Sunset – Hollywood, Ca -- October 30th, 2007

I awoke at 7:30am to the sound of Pete screaming at me. What did he scream did you say? “So lay down, when his sight goes red again!” I sometimes wish I had a different song for an alarm. But, I have found that scares me awake just fine so I stick with it. I prepare to baby-sit my baby cousins, Noah and Becca. They have not arrived yet so I make a comfy makeshift bed on the couch. Two hours later they arrived and I watched them until about 2 pm when I went to get ready for my concert. My sister Janice watched them for me.

I took my shower and I was set to leave until I needed to wait on my other sister, Connie, to come home from school. She was going to watch the babies after I left so that Janice, Alfredo and I could make our dinner reservations at the House of Blues restaurant at 5:30pm. As soon as she arrived we all took off. I was still on a high from the night before. I couldn’t wait to get to the House of Blues.

When we finally arrive there Alfredo was getting confused as to where to park. After a short argument he finally pulled in to the House of Blues parking lot. We start to go down the hill and low and behold guess who were hanging out at the bottom of the hill. Peter and Samuel Loeffler. Now, I start freaking out in the “Oh crap. I don’t want them to think I am stalking them” way. So I tell Alfredo to back up, we also thought it was a dead-end and we went in the wrong way. But, I was reminded that Alfredo’s car does not have reverse. So we had no choice but to go straight ahead. Alfredo started to roll down his window to tell Pete something but Janice and I made him stop by repeating, “Don’t say anything! Just drive!” We pass Pete and mean while Janice is covering her face and repeatedly saying, “I don’t know you.” And I was in the back seat avoiding looking out the car window. All I could think when we passed Sam was “THANK GOD that Alfredo has tinted windows!” When we reached the end it turns out it wasn’t a dead end but it was valet parking. No sooner did we realize this did the valet guys open our doors. We all get out of the car and Janice starts to try to get Alfredo to tell the valet guys about the reverse. Alfredo almost walks off without telling them until Janice and I reminded him. He then starts to ask the guy if he could park the car in a way where he can just drive out because his car has no reverse. After that Janice and I walked a little ways away from embarrassment. Apparently the guy didn’t believe Alfredo and got in the car and tried to back up and when he wasn’t going anywhere Janice and I started to crack up. Then a small group of the valets come to push his car. One of them asked Alfredo “Dude? What happened to your reverse?” and they pushed his car right next to the venue and not too far away from where the equipment would be loaded and unloaded. It was a very nice spot.

After that little amusing ordeal, we start our walk up the hill to the restaurant when who do we see again. Sam and Pete Loeffler. I just kept thinking, “Oh great, they must think I am some psycho fan.” As we got closer Pete and I looked at each other and I got the courage to blurt out “Hey!” and I smiled and he smiles and says “HellOoOoOo.” As we passed each other there were these two 17-year-old boys looking at me like “Oh my god. She just talked to Pete Loeffler!” It was pretty funny because for the first time I wasn’t all that nervous I just acted very nonchalantly. I was proud of myself. So we make in time for our reservations and we eat our meals. Then we wait in the line for early entry and we chat with some other early entry Chevelle fans. Sam walked past us and we all just kind of glanced at him.

We are finally let in and we wait about an hour for the show to finally start. Tyler Read came on and immediately Janice and I started dancing and that got the lead singers attention. So throughout their set we got a lot of looks from him. The poor guy’s microphone holder broke on one song and he had to play the guitar with one hand and hold the microphone with the other hand. He looked at us like “What can I do?” When the song ended he proudly declared, “I’m always breaking shit.” Their set was really good and Janice and I danced their set away. Shortly before the set ended the singer had another mishap. He was rocking out with his guitar and managed to head bang his head on to the head of the other guitarists guitar. He had to back up to shake off his injury. Like a trooper he played the rest of the set.

2 Cents took the stage and immediately Alfredo took to them. He really enjoyed their music. The singer/drummer was amusing yet again but he met with some mishaps of his own. His snare drum broke and he dropped one of his drumsticks. Then after he got his replacement one he broke it on the broken snare. He replaced the snare and the stick and the show went on. I enjoyed their set more this time because I was familiar with the songs and my sister and Alfredo always make shows fun. The crowd loved them and they really amped up the crowd for Chevelle.

Chevelle takes the stage finally and that is when all hell broke loose with the crowd. The front was no longer a comfy place but it was more like a pressure cooker of some sort. Janice could no longer take it and left to somewhere more comfortable with Alfredo. I decided to tough it out. It was ok there was this drunkish guy fending off the crowd for me so I wasn’t as squished. In the middle of all that Dean managed to throw me two picks. I was very pleased with that. For those of you keeping count of the number of picks Dean gave me over the two days it is now three. Chevelle were very happy with the crowd this time because they were WAY more alive then the night before. In the middle of Forfeit Pete slipped and fell by his amp and he quickly got up to see Sam laughing at him. Chevelle played very well as usual and no words that I can say can describe just how well they were. I was pleasantly surprised to see that this time around seeing Dean has become more aggressive with his bass.

The show ends and I meet up with Janice and Alfredo and Alfredo shows me the photos he secretly took of the concert and I will try and post them up here for you. He got some videos too. Here is what I can remember of the setlist (Not in order):

Antisaint
Brainiac
Vitamin R
Comfortable Liar
The Red
SMA
Straight Jacket Fashion
Forfeit
Still Running
Saturdays
I Get It
Send The Pain Below
The Clincher
Well Enough Alone
Closure
Humanoid
Another Know It All – Extended ending is intro to Prove To You

And that is the end of my show. I hope you all enjoyed this :)

The Grove of Anaheim - Anaheim, Ca -- October 29th, 2007

The day started off rushed or in some sort of disarray. I am running behind on everything but I manage to head out the door at 4pm and go to pick up my cousin William to then head off to the show. We got at the venue at 4:30pm and we had about 2 ½ hours before the doors open and we were waiting for Kylie and Katie to come and meet us for the show. I decided to take my cousin to Starbucks instead of waiting with the fans in the small line because we were both thirsty and I really wanted to wait in line with my girlies.

After we had our drinks and a series of text messages later we go back to the venue to meet up with Kylie and Katie. We get a semi-spot on Dean’s side. I say semi-spot because it was so tight I had to put one arm over the rail and that was all I could fit.

Tyler Read came on right on time. Honestly I wasn’t expecting much from them but they surprised me. They were pretty fun to watch and I found myself dancing to their music, one arm over the rail and all. They had some parts of their set where they would all head bang in unison. It was pretty amusing but I had a really good time during their set. They were very gracious and very happy that we were there to support them. I think their set went by too quick for me because the next thing I know they were walking off the stage and they were making way for the next acts.

2 Cents is the next band to take the stage. Now, they are a completely different style of band from Tyler Read. They are HEAVY! But, this is a rock show is this not? The singer is also the drummer. He had his drum kit positioned sideways. It was an interesting setup. But, they were one crazy band. They really got the crowd amped up and got them moshing. The singer was pretty amusing most of the time and the music was good for the style it was.

Soon Chevelle came on to the stage and then I finally managed to squeeze my other arm over the rail. The crowd was pretty hard to get moving around. It is usually like that for Chevelle in Anaheim. Well, at that venue that is. But, at the House of Blues in Anaheim it is livelier. Now, This is not in correct order this is just what songs I remember.

Antisaint
Brainiac
Vitamin R
Comfortable Liar
The Red
SMA
Straight Jacket Fashion
Forfeit
Still Running
Saferwaters
I Get It
Send The Pain Below
The Clincher
Well Enough Alone
Closure

There was no encore but you know Chevelle always goes a great job. I got a pick from Dean so that made me happy.

After the show we went to the bus and waited for Chevelle to come out and I started talking to some Chevellions outside then low-and-behold a woman, I am SO Sorry I forgot your name!, was looking at me and she asks “Are you on the boards?” and I responded “Which ones? The official one of the ChevelleOnline one?” and she said “Either. Are you Geneva? The one with the Birthday shirt?” and I said “Yes I am.” We greeted each other and she said her name but I couldn’t hear her too well. She is a lurker of the board. So if she is reading this then HI! And please let me know your name again. :X

Pete was the first one to come out and talk to us. He walked straight up to me and I started to explain what the birthday shirt was. I had already taken it out and Pete was looking at it. I basically told him that the fans from the ChevelleOnline board came together and put down a bunch of birthday messages for him. I showed him it was on the front and back and then I told him that some of the messages were hard to read so I made a booklet for him to read them. He was very surprised but very thankful for it. He just said, “This is for me? Wow, thank you very much.” He took them and let me know he was going to have his friends hold it for a bit because he was going around talking to everyone and signing autographs and taking photos. My sister Janice and her boyfriend Alfredo had arrived just before Pete came out with us. So they got to meet him again as well. Pete was saying how it was really hard to wake up the crowd there at Anaheim and out at the House of Blues in Anaheim they are no longer taking rock acts. Then Janice mentioned something about Britney Spears and Pete talked about the drumhead. He was just like “Yea, I don’t even know who won that…” Pete then started talking about how he recognized all of us from the audience and Janice decided to call him out and said “Oh yea? You remember me?” and poor Pete was like “Oh yea! I remember you!” and then we were all like “She wasn’t even there..” and Pete was then like “Well, that’s why I was so pissed… You better be rocking out in the front at tomorrow’s show then!” He said more but I can’t remember but we were all laughing with eachother.

I later asked Pete what the guys were doing for Halloween and he said he wasn’t sure but they had a day off in Vegas but he was sure they were going to do something fun. Then I asked him if they were going to do a pre-Halloween bash at the Hollywood show and he was just like “I don’t know… But that’s a good idea!” He stayed out and talked with the fans for a while and he even signed Alfredo’s guitar for guitar hero. Kylie and Katie asked Pete to take a photo with them. They didn’t like the first photo they took with him and he was like “I think it looks fine…” but he took another one. When it came to mine I knew he was making a funny face so I was going to make one too but they took the photo too fast so I wasn’t even looking at the camera. But Pete seemed to enjoy it a lot.

A little while after Pete left Dean came out and we started talking. Then we started talking about his baby and when he would see her again. He just seemed to light up when he talks about his baby. He didn’t show any photos cause he didn’t have his phone or camera on him. I asked Dean if I could take a photo with him and he said “Sure!” and when we were taking our photo he said, “Smile!” and then after he saw the photo and he said, “Aww I am not even smiling! You took it just before I was going to smile. Let’s take another one!” and we took another one and he asked to see that one and he then smiled and said “Nice!” When Kylie went to take her photo with him she was like “Get me on my good side!” and then Dean was like “Oh this is my good side!” and he put his head down and told Kylie to do the same and I took a photo. And then he was like “Ok another photo!” He did the same thing for Katie. When my cousin William took his photo with him he was like “It looks like I am stealing something! Better check your wallet!” Alfredo got him to sign his guitar as well.

A short while after Dean left Sam finally came out. We talked for a little bit and I asked for a photo. We took our photo and Kylie was like “OH NO! Your eyes are closed!” and she showed him and he said, “We can take another one!” And we took another photo and this time his eyes were open haha. Sam was asked about the music video for I Get It and he said it would be coming out in two days and he spoke a little bit on it. Then someone asked him when they were coming out with a new DVD because the Norva one is getting old and he was like “I would love for us to make another one but it costs $100,000 to shoot that.” I then asked Sam if he still kept the shirts he asked for on the Nickelback show and he said he kept some of them. Since it was Alfredo’s shirt I sent he asked him if he remembered his Spartan shirt that was green and yellow lettering. Sam said, “Yes I do remember it. It was perfect! I still have it at home” He then explained how he is still collecting some but that he hasn’t gotten any shirts in a while. So you know what that means people… Look for his post about the rules and guidelines for what kind of shirts to send and send it to him! He was talking about how he got some in Australia and was very surprised it reached that far. He then explained how he couldn’t keep most of the shirts because they were either too big, white, bright orange, yellow or green, or they were from different company logos on them so he can advertise for them or something. He told us about one shirt that he got that was 1. White, 2. Had the bands faces on it and 3. Was and XL. He said, “I just thought ‘Did they not even read my post?’” Sam then left to go get something to eat.

After Sam left we all stuffed into Alfredo’s car to drop Kylie and Katie at their car and then Alfredo started doing spins in his car it was pretty funny. We were going to go eat at Denny’s but William had to get home because it was already after 1 am and he still had homework to do. So we got Carl’s Jr and we called it a night. I had a blast and I loved every bit of it. On to the next night’s review!

Confessions Of A Cashier

What really goes on in their minds as they ring you up.

Now, I have been a cashier for about a year now. I just have to say that even though I may be smiling and crap I am really thinking, “I hate you all” as you bring your two immense shopping carts full of who knows what up to my register.

I don’t really consider myself a bitter person but after a year of working this job it does something to how you look at people. I very rarely get the very good customers; I usually get the average customer that just wants to buy their stuff and go. I would really like to get them out of there as fast as possible as well. Then the majority of the time you get the assholes that love to try and make your day as horrible as possible.

A little advice to anyone who has and will go shopping in the near future, please for the love of all that is holy make sure ALL of your items have a barcode or UPC# on it. I cannot tell you how many times people have brought up items without those two items and they get upset at me because I can’t ring it up. I’m sorry but if your lazy ass couldn’t bother to make sure there was something there then how can you expect me to ring the stupid thing up. It would be common courtesy for the customer to do that much for the cashier.

Another thing that just annoys the hell out of me is the fact that the customers act like it is my fault their item has no barcode on it. Or when they don’t make sure an item costs what they think it is. I hate how the customers think that we have control of how much an item is. Like we would purposely put the item so high. Double check the prices genius and we wouldn’t have to do the price checks and end up proving you wrong anyway. Another thing that would be lovely is PLEASE take all your crap with you. Don’t change your mind on items when you get to the register. Also, if you really can’t put the item back and you really can’t buy it please don’t go shoving it in the isle somewhere. We cashiers will find it and that is just another load of crap that we have to lug back to the courtesy desk. And if you have perishables, BUY THEM! Don’t leave them in the isle! That is one of the rudest things you could do. I am sorry I can understand if you don’t have the money but at least have someone go put the perishable back or at least put it in a drink cooler or something! Just like you don’t like touching the raw chicken or beef, we don’t either!

Please put any and ALL items on the register belt please. Don’t assume that just cause some items are all priced the same that we can ring one of them up. Yes, four different items may cost the same but they all have a different barcode and it messes up the inventory when we scan one item and not all of the others. Please no jokes about how you ‘printed’ your twenties, fifties or hundreds that day. We get it all the time and it never gets any better. If you have large HEAVY items, please take them off the bag carousel as soon as we scan them. They just take up space and makes it harder for us to bag the other items. While we are on that topic, take your shit off the carousel as well when it is full. I know I will stop ringing up your items if you don’t take it off. I don’t know how you expect us to finish scanning all your crap if you don’t remove the bags. Cases of soda, twelve packs of soda or bunches of Gatorade or large things of toilet paper or paper towels DO NOT need bags! Please do not waste bags for those items. We do go through bag shortages so please don’t take more than what you need. Also, if you are just going to re-bag what I just bagged you should have gone to self-fucking checkout. I try to bag things in an orderly fashion and when you just go and change it up it just annoys me.

DO NOT turn the carousel as I am still bagging your items. That is so unbelievably rude! You may think you are helping speed things along but you are not, so don’t! Back to self-checkout, no I will not scan your stuff for you. It is called self-checkout for a damn reason. YOU check YOURSELF out! I am more than willing to help you with a problem but I will not scan your stuff. Also, if you scan something twice don’t leave the item in front of the scanner and act surprised when it has scanned 50 times! If you don’t move it of course it will scan a billion times. Most importantly if you really don’t know how to use it don’t go to it.

If we turn our light off and say we are closed then that means WE ARE CLOSED! Why? We need a break sometime you know. We have to eat lunch and go home at some point. Some of us would rather not get overtime and get fired. Even if you have one item go to a 10 items or less line. Please don’t be a sneaky dick and get in the line anyway.

I think that is all for now because I can’t remember all of it at the moment. I am sure while I am at work on Friday it will all come to me and I’ll make a part two or something. So in summary please do these simple things and we cashiers will not hate you in the end.

- Cashier Geneva

Thank you Giada.

Mmmm cookies.

Who is Giada? She is a chef on the Food Network that came up with these delicious Lemon Ricotta Cookies with Lemon Glaze! These cookies would have to be the fanciest cookies I have ever made.

It was a nice and relaxing day and I had my share of tasty treats. I never really noticed how relaxing baking could be until today. Yes, it makes a big mess in the end. Just somehow when I was scooping the cookie dough out from the bowl to the cookie sheet I could feel myself calm down. I was so proud of how they came out. I found myself offering them to as many people as I could.

I wish I could venture out of the world of baking though. I want to try my hand at actual cooking. I want to make some lavish dinner or just some roast like my mother. I can cook eggs, pancakes, waffles, soup, man n’ cheese and all those simple things. I yearn for some more adventure in the kitchen. I’d rather not stay within the safety net of baking. Not to say that baking is really easy, it is just easier for me to bake than to cook an actual meal.

Have a good one folks, until next time!

RE: I Am Happy

A response to Chelle’s list of why she is happy.

I have decided to post my list of why I am happy here. Here it goes:

1. I bought the new Foo Fighters album.
2. I received my concert tickets to see Chevelle three times this month.
3. I am listening to, old but new to me, music from my favorite French band, Superbus.
4. I get paid on Thursday.
5. I have seen a few pairs of cute earrings that I really want to buy.
6. I got to put some really cute hair clips in my baby cousin, Becca, hair.

I think that is all for now. That was pretty refreshing. ☺

Then Just Take Me

Words I want to say but don’t.

I miss the embrace of your arms. Let my heart melt with you smile. I wish I could look into your eyes again. Those beautiful eyes that I still can’t seem to find my way out of.

I remember one time you made me smile and the room seemed to glow. The mandatory meeting at school left my energy level running on empty. I decided to rest my head on the wall next to my seat and I daze off in to the not so empty classroom. I sense you walking back and forth in the class and I continue to daze off. You lean down and we look at each other eye to eye. You smile that sweet smile of yours and wave hello to me. No longer in a daze my smile becomes more than a slight grin. I wave back and your smile grows bigger and you walk off again. I look away to try to hide the ridiculously large smile on my face. But, it was not as easy as I thought. It never gets any easier with the thought of you.

In my crazy little mind you tell me “I want you” and all I want to say to you is “Then just take me!” I have to wake up sometime and that’s the sad fact of all this. Moving on and past you will be hard but I know I have been blessed to have met you. Even for just a small while, you made my heart beat better than it has in a while.

I Have Always…

A list of things that I have always wanted to do in my lifetime.

- To kiss someone in the rain. Not that stupid California rain either. I mean the real rain where it is POURING!
- To twirl outside while it was snowing.
- To stare deeply in to someone’s eyes.
- To actually be good at playing the guitar.
- To take a long road-trip across the USA.
- To backpack through Europe.
- To see the Green-flash.
- To go ice-skating.
- To meet the Foo Fighters, it’s always been a dream of mine. I love that band.
- To learn how to make delicious concoctions.
- To learn to sing relatively well.
- To go to the Opera.
- To go to a ball.

I know there are more but those are the ones that are standing out in my mind at the moment. What is your list of things that you have wanted to do?

A lot of these I think I can actually achieve and I plan on making those dreams a reality. One of the many things that I find so calming and peaceful is to take a good long walk in the rain. The thought of it brings a warming smile to my face. I wanted to take a walk this weekend but unfortunately a thing called work got in the way. I hope it rains out here again because I really want to take that walk.

Another thing that I think would be awesome to do is to dance or twirl in the rain. But I already achieved that back in my high school days. I think I am due for another twirl. I like to think of myself as young at heart. I shall bid you all ado for now as I wait for another rainfall to come my way. How I long for those icy drops of pleasure to hit my warm skin.

Ahh, I Am Still Here

An update of my serious lack of writing

Hello everyone,

Well, it has been fairly obvious that I have neglected my writing for the past few weeks. Why? Well, for the simple fact that I haven’t felt like writing. Why haven’t I felt like writing? I lost someone who I have grown up with my whole life, my grandmother.

She died on August 19th, 2007. I had to go to Oklahoma for her funeral and then I had to get things in order for other stuff and I really haven’t had the want, need or time to write anything. As of lately I have wanted to write something but when I got the opportunity I have just been too worn out to even type out the words.

I’m not going to lie; it’s been extremely hard for me after my grandmother’s passing. I see so many things that remind me of her and it makes me miss her all the more. I still feel like she is just down the hall lying on the bed that is no longer there. It is still hard for me to talk about this without tears falling down my face. It is still close to home and a touchy issue. I mean I think I am pretty fine most of the times but once I see an old family video, a photo, or just one of the many objects that remind me of her I feel saddened. My pain can’t be nearly as bad as my mothers and my aunts and uncle or my grandfather’s.

When my grandmother was in the hospital and I knew she was dying I really did not want to be in the room when she passed. I felt that when she passed that I would die as well. I just couldn’t see my life without her. I pictured everything going black and that scared me and I was scared for her. Watching her trying her hardest to hold on for her family. Saying ‘No, I can’t go. Who’s going to take care of them?’ is one of the hardest things a person can see. I was in the waiting room the night she passed away. I was almost asleep when my aunt Shirley told me that I was wanted in my grandmother’s hospital room. I witnessed the one thing I did not want to see. I saw my grandmother die and let me tell you. That image still haunts me to this day. It was the very reason why I didn’t want to be in the room. But, I needed to be there for my mother. I had to be strong for my mother. Everyone just kept telling me to be strong for my mother. I hope I was strong enough for her.

I feel horrible for neglecting my friends. I just haven’t felt the need to call, and you all should know I don’t call because I am not a phone person, or even e-mailed. I just did not have any desire to. I am sorry; I hope you all can understand. So I will end with this. I hope everyone is doing well. Take care.

One of the many reasons why...

Dave Grohl rocks. He says the darndest things

"You know those things that you put batteries in and they just vacuum the floor without anyone touching them? That's what I think of Britney Spears" - Dave on Britney's VMA Performance.

My Angel

I Try So Hard

But I am failing

I am trying so hard to be strong for you but I feel like I am failing. I am trying to be the strength for my mom and my sisters and I am failing at that too.

With each and every passing second a little piece of that wall cracks. Every teardrop is another pebble or stone from my wall. It’s getting hard to breathe now and the tears won’t stop flowing. My eyes seem to be swollen from all the tears. I try to hold them back but with every memory I have of you it brings back the tears times ten.

I don’t want you to go, I don’t want to have to say goodbye. I want to be able to see you laugh and watch CSI Miami. I want to see you drive in your van and listen to your music. I want to see you drink your wine and give me a hug and a kiss. I want to hear all of your advice. Just to hear your voice and see your smile would be an unspeakable joy.

It’s not fair that Noah and Becca won’t get to know you as well as I have. It’s not fair that they won’t get your birthday cards or your Christmas gifts. They deserve to have you love and so much more. They deserve at least a memory, but they are too young.

This is the hardest thing I have had to go through in my life. The fifth wish out of the five was the hardest to go over. When it was asking us to forgive you for any hurt you’ve cause us. You did nothing to hurt us and there is nothing to forgive. I am sorry I wasn’t around more. I am sorry I never hugged your more or spoke to you more. I curse my quiet nature right now because it took away any chance I had to speak with you. In my mind I always had tomorrow.

I don’t want you to be in any more pain. I want to see you come home and sit in your chair or on your couch again. I am going to miss you so much and if I am like this right now I don’t know how I will be when you are gone. I love you so very much and this hurts just the same, more likely it hurts worse.

You Hold The Rights I’ll Never Own

A bunch of mixed emotions all rolled in to one person.

Is anyone ever ready to say goodbye to someone they hold dear? Is everyone ever ready for the wave of hurt that is going to come?

So, with you holding all the rights that I will never own is it ok for me to beg you not to take that person from me? Can I plead for you to spare her life for a while longer? Is it ok for me to be selfish not only for myself but for my family’s sake as well? Can I be able to introduce her to my future husband? Can she be there for the birth of my future unborn child? Can she please be able to watch her two youngest grandchildren grow? Is it too much to ask?

Can you help me not be bitter towards another? Can you help me feel like she does respect me? Can you help me feel like she does care about how I feel? Can you help me not feel envious of the two of them? That they have someone they can lean on for support. They have someone they love and can be their strength. Do I not deserve that?

Is it wrong that at the moment I could care less about other topics? Is it wrong that all I want is for someone to just hold me and reassure me that things will get better? Is it wrong to feel this way? Should I just suck it up and deal with it and except the inevitable even though that means I have to say goodbye?

Pressure

The never-ending pressure

The only thing that is keeping me from going insane is the music that is playing through my ears graciously from my headphones.

When I left home for Chicago, almost two weeks ago, it felt as if this huge weight of pressure was lifted off of my shoulders and I was suddenly free. I welcomed the sunlight through my small window on the plane. I could breathe and I was at peace.

My time there was incredibly joyous and I wished it would never end. Unfortunately I had to come back home eventually. Like the year before I became somewhat depressed to be leaving a place I loved so dearly. It gave me a feeling I had been lacking for sometime now and I teased myself with it. When I came home it was bitter sweet. It was nice to see my family again but I felt like that weight was put back on to my shoulders.

I feel like I have to face enormous amounts of pressure and sad to say that is what I think a good portion of life is about. Just facing those pressures and hopefully you’ll get to have that sense of freedom for good and not just 5 days and 4 nights.

I need to be a better sister, a better daughter, a better granddaughter, a better friend, and a better cousin. I need to be more helpful in cleaning. I need to not get so stressed over things that are out of my control. I need to believe that things will get better soon and that life isn’t going to get worse. I need to believe that my grandma will get better. I need to believe that I will soon have enough money to pay off the bills.

I need and want a lot of things but I will always have this. My writing and whether it is good or bad I will always have it. It keeps me sane just like the music that floods my ears. I get to breathe again when I write and things don’t seem so bad. I get a sense of clarity and a sense of something positive.

I am a distant friend to some right now. It’s just I am not ready to take on some things just yet and I will get back in to contact with you soon. Just right now, I need to regain that sense of clarity and sanity.

Until then, I continue on my quest to defeat all my pressures.

Birthday Part Two

Hello everyone,

Here is the second part to my blog. My birthday part over at Marina's. I got a ton of fabulous gifts from the gang and I am very thankful! We played these games:

Price is Right
Crainium (The Pop Culture one)
Clue
Imaginiff...
Guitar Hero

We all went out to eat at Applebees and I heard some entertaining stories and ate some good Nachos. I was getting very tired toward the end of the night and the moment I would start to fall asleep Marina would throw a random object at me and I would wake up. Good times I tell ya. haha. I ended up sleeping around 3:30am and woke up at 8:30am to my phone ringing. Put it on silent and went back to sleep and woke up around 10:30am. I was tired all day haha. After migrating from room to room we finally migrated to the Olive Garden and we 'Stole' Breadsticks. I still say it wasn't stealing cause we paid for them. Haha.

Basically at the Olive Garden the waitress kept rejecting me. I was the very last person to get their food. Then when I wanted a box the waitress just walked right past me. Then when I asked for her to split the check she walked right past me again. Not cool. But it all worked out and I went home to prepare for my Chicago trip. Which will lead to my birthday update part three! :-D I cannot wait! Until then, here are a few photos from yesterday:


Ashely SMILING! :D


Marina and her R2D2 popcorn bowl. hehe.


"John Travolta!"

Birthday Part One

Hola everyone! Normally I would blog about this but ehh. I'll probably just copy and paste this there. lol.

Well, there was no drinking for my 21st birthday. I was very glad to see that everyone understood my decision for not wanting to drink. :) If you don't know why, that will be for another time. But, what I wanted to do instead was have a game night. Everyone who came was to bring a game(s) that they wanted to play and we would try and play them all. I have a big stack of games here. Here are what we played:

Taboo
Imaginiff...
Family Feud
Pictionary
Deal or No Deal
Part of The Worst Case Scenario Survival Game
Part of some Pyramid Game haha.

More games to be played tomorrow but that is a different post entirely haha. Here are some photos. The rest are posted in my photos section. Enjoy!


Kylie and Katie!


The three of us hamming it up.


Seriously, did I even make I wish.. I can't remember.. lol

There You Were

What happens to me after I see a movie.

I just got finished watching a lovely film called ‘Cashback’ starring Sean Biggerstaff and Emilia Fox. I have wanted to see this film for a long time now. I have been a fan of Sean Biggerstaff’s films since I saw him in my beloved Harry Potter, yes I was deeply saddened when I found out he would not be in the third film. I digress; he has a knack for picking quality work so when I heard about Cashback I was really interested in seeing it. A while back I noticed it was playing at the Newport Beach Film Festival but alas, it was not to be. By the time the film would have finished it would have taken too long to get to school in time for class. My heart broke into tiny little pieces.

The other day I was reminded of the film when I saw it mentioned on the front page of Yahoo. I decided to make it the next film on my list on Netflix and I received it in the mail today. After the sad Dodger game and dinner was done I put on the film. It was shot beautifully and I was deeply drawn to the characters. I was drawn into their little world and I felt as if I was right there with the character Ben when time stopped around him.

Now after the film was done I was still somewhat in the world of the film. This happens to me every time I see a movie that I enjoy greatly. I picture myself in the world and how I would interact with these fictional characters. It is my way of holding on to something that I liked very much. If I can make it last just a little bit longer I wouldn’t have to go back to the reality of my life. My imagination goes into overdrive and I get inspired to try and create something that would not be nearly as great as what I had just seen.

So the title says ‘There You Were’. I was reintroduced to someone who I had admired in the past. All the reasons that I admired him came back to me and I found new reasons to admire him. His eyes looked solemn and yet they had something wanting to come out. His hair looked rough and yet it lay softly on his head. When he did smile, it brought out a light. When he spoke I held on to every word for as long as I could until the next word came to take its place. And then I realized, that it wasn’t him at all. It was someone he was playing, the fictional character in the story. So there he was, on my television screen. It was as if I was seeing a long lost friend from my past. It made me smile and when the film ended I was glad I got to play catch up for the past hour and thirty-nine minutes. I hope I see him again soon.

Photos from seanbiggerstaff.com and http://www.festivaldufilm-dinard.com/

Just My Type

My discovery of what I seem to be attracted to.

Though I do have a knack for falling for the wrong guys, they aren’t necessarily bad guys. Just unavailable for good reason too.

The first thing I notice are the eyes and the next is the smile. With the eyes, it doesn’t really matter what color they are. I just have to get a feeling from them. If I can look into them and I get kindness, caring and other good qualities then that is a step up. What would make it better is if they had glasses. Then I will more than likely notice the person. I don’t know when this thing started or how but for me there is nothing better then when a man wears his spectacles. I think they highlight the eyes more and since I notice the eyes anyway it just helps the process along faster.

With the smile, same thing with the eye thing I have to get a good vibe from it. It has to be warm and inviting. It’s got to be a smile that will give me no other option but to smile back.

More than anything the guy has to have a good head on their shoulders. I like confidence but I don’t like cockiness. A little modesty never hurt anyone. I like when they know what they want to do for their future. I like that they have goals, current and long term ones. They have to be hard working and pretty much someone who will listen. Honesty is good but they don’t have to be brutal. There is nothing more attractive then for a man to be passionate about something.

I love humor, and honestly who doesn’t? But, if the guy can make me laugh that is always a plus. Being comfortable with who you are is a great quality. There is nothing wrong with being a sweetheart. I love it when someone is as excited about something as I am. When a guy doesn’t take himself too seriously is almost always a sure way to a good time. Being able to have a long lasting conversation with a guy is always a plus. To have some sort of intelligence is a major bonus. Even if I may not know about a good portion of things I love when a guy introduces me to new things. Whether it is music, literature, films etc.

The guy doesn’t have to be drop dead gorgeous because in the end if he has all the said things then I will think he is the best looking man I have ever seen. I am really big on personality. It always brings out the best in people and if the guy is a genuinely good guy then he will definitely shine in my eyes.

Cold Eyes

A tale of an undead woman (A continuing story)

Snow sprinkles down on to the city street. In the curtain of snow a figure appears. Grace Fairewood, walks with her hands in her coat pockets. It is hard to tell the shape of her face through the snow. Her skin is almost as white as the snow. The only way to see her coming is by her dark wardrobe and exceptionally dark hair that passes her shoulders.

Time slows down and what makes Grace stand out more in the crowd is that while everyone else is heavily dressed in winter coats and snow boots, Grace is wearing a light coat and black tennis shoes. Everyone except her is covering his or her faces. Nothing seems to faze her, not even the painfully cold wind. Suddenly the crowd blurs and the only clear image is of Grace walking.

Grace walks on with her head down and when she looks up she stops in front of this bridal shop. She sees a young woman posing in front of a mirror in her wedding dress. The only expression you get from Grace is through her eyes. It’s as if the world just got very dejected.

The beams of sunlight shined through the window on to a young Grace. Her skin was ivory and she looked alive. Her smile was infectious and the room seemed to glow even more. She was standing in front of her mirror in her wedding gown. It was made of the simplest of silks and lace. Back in the Elizabethan era it was a beautiful time. A time where art flourished and the creative juices poured into many glasses. Grace’s hair was long and was a chestnut brown. A voice is heard in the distance; ‘You can have that day again if you really wanted it.’

Back to the present Grace turns around and looks at the man behind her. Alexander Horsey, a man with round black-framed glasses and had a pale coffee toned complexion. At first glance he looks fairly young. Take a longer look and you noticed he is aged. His dark hair has a hint of gray. He has lived far longer than you and has seen things no living creature can imagine. ‘You tell that to the man who was left waiting for me!’ Grace snapped back.

‘I saw you behind me when I left Leventhorpe’ she said. ‘Why didn’t you stop me then?’ Alexander asked. Grace looked at him and smirked ‘Because, I know you didn’t want me to know. Takes the fun out of the chase.’ And with that she walked into a crowd and disappeared with Alexander rushing off behind her.

I Will Never Let You Fall

So, I was lurking around the site and I noticed a blog about the song that is played at your funeral and it got me thinking about the subject. My uncle John passed about a week ago and since then I have seen a good number posts on death and many things thereof. If I am not mistaken I even thought I saw a post on guardian angels. I think I am getting mixed up with the song I am listening to and the actual post. Who knows?

Does everyone have a guardian angel? If you are not religious does that mean you don’t get one? I personally think that everyone has one. I was raised Catholic but I don’t really practice it. I take a few beliefs from the religion.

Now on to what I was really talking about. Guardian angels, yes. I choose to believe that everyone has one. It is up to the individual if they decide to heed their warnings or ignore them. Though over the course of the past two years I have been going through what some would consider the worst time of their lives. I mean it’s bad but I feel like I can get through it. My guardian angel is constantly whispering in my ear to ‘Hold on’, ‘Just keep going. You can do it.’ Unconsciously I have been listening.

Even if you don’t believe in the whole spiritual aspect of a guardian angel you can still have one. Your guardian angel can be an actual person. They can be the friend that holds you up when you can’t stand anymore. They can be the parent that listens to you and makes your problems ok. They can be the teacher that supports you and encourages you to do the things that you really want to do. They come in all shapes, sexes, sizes, and species… They are everywhere.

I believe that I have a spiritual guardian angel and many, MANY real life guardian angels. Who are your guardian angels?

She Slipped Away

She wasn’t very tall but her personality stood out in the crowd. Most of her life she was pretty shy. As she grew older she came out of that shell and let her random, dorky self come out.

She met her husband around the same time she had crushes on two other men. She was a student in college and her three crushes at the time were all her professors. Nothing happened of course during her time there. They were just harmless crushes.

Her husband was a tall man with a killer smile. He had dark curly brown hair and the bluest eyes. One of the many qualities that she loved was the fact that he could make her laugh. He was very playful and always had interesting stories or life lessons to offer. He was very passionate about the work he did. He loved music and wanted to share his knowledge of music with others. He was an all around nice guy who just happened be tardy a bit. During the time she had him for his class they talked about music and food.

A few years go by and she is volunteering at a local festival. She is carrying a box full or papers and other supplies to one of the other tents and then she crashes hard into someone. That someone turns out to be her future husband and he still had that killer smile. They talk for hours playing catch up and much to her surprise he had asked her out. Of course she said yes and after a couple of years of dating they finally tied the knot. The wedding was everything she could have dreamed of and more.

The wind was cool on the bright and sunny day. They all stood outside on an extremely emerald hillside in Ireland. She got the man she wanted and she was working steadily in the profession that she had always pictured herself in. Two years later they were blessed with the birth of their first son. He looked just like his father and had his killer smile. Over the years they ended up with four children, two boys and two girls.

She started feeling sick and ignored it since she thought it would pass. When it only got worse after two weeks she went to the doctor and discovered she had cancer. She decided to do the chemo and radiation. The treatments were only making things worse because they discovered that she was allergic to the medication. Without the treatments the cancer would spread and inevitably she would die.

Since there was nothing left to do for her she lived life as much as she could before being hospitalized. She called in everyone that she wanted to say goodbye to. One by one they showed up. Each one become harder and harder to say goodbye to. The last two were people from her past back when she was in school. She confessed about her crushes and they joked for a bit before she said goodbye.

The final night came and she looked over at her husband and asked him to lie next to her. She knew her time was soon and wanted to be as close to her husband as she could. She put her head on his chest and closed her eyes. He brushed her hair and held her close like he did years ago. When he felt she wasn’t breathing anymore tears fell from his eyes and he kissed her head. He held her tighter and whispered “Goodbye” and then he slid out and called the doctors.

The good die young and are missed terribly. She got all that she dreamed of and thought she would never get. If she had it her way she would have spent more time with her loved ones but she was glad she got the time she did. The tears that fall only water the ground for the new lives to come.

Wow, Such A Young Little Thing

I was looking for photos of my Uncle John and I came across some old photos of myself and I thought, “Wow, look at my hair!” I had such strange hair. When I signed on to my myspace today I noticed that I had a new blog post up from one of my friends. She had a very insightful post about change.

Basically it said that everyone changes and that sometimes it’s a good thing and sometimes it is bad. It got me thinking about how much I have or have not changed. I have changed very much in my appearance. I no longer put my hair in a side ponytail, mostly because my hair is not long enough to even put up. My theory now is that if my hair is long enough to be put in a ponytail then it is too long.

I got my hair trimmed today by my sister Connie. In our Native American beliefs, when someone dies you must cut a lock of your hair. So, my sister went around the house today collecting everyone locks.

Looking back at those photos and reading my friends post made me think about the kind of person I am now. I honestly think I am a good person. I could always use some improvement on things but I don’t think I am cruel or horrible.

All in all I think I have changed for the better. If I can take anything from the last couple of years I have changed for the absolute better and shall continue to change for the better.

Prophecy

John A. Shemayme was born on Lawton, OK and when he turned four years old his family moved out to the bright sunny state of California. Though I don't know much about this man he is my grandmother's brother and all my life I have called him 'Uncle John'. Sadly, he died on the 14th. My aunt is writing his obituary right now as I type this. I have found out that he went to school for architecture and that he was on the movie 'Prophecy' with his brother Steve Shemayme.

The photo of the movie poster sparked memories of me arranging the VHS collection in the living room so it looked nice and neat when I had to clean up. I never understood why we had that movie until right now. Both my grandmother's brothers were in that film. They weren't starring roles or anything but they were in it. And the film has 3 out of 5 stars on netflix.

My uncle John died of complications with pneumonia. He will be buried in Oklahoma with his mother and right now at the moment everyone is getting their things together for the trip out. Unfortunately, I can't go out there cause I have work.

I did not speak with him much but it was always nice to see him walking down the street or see him on the bus when I got on. He would always advise me to keep working hard in school and other advice like that. He will be missed and I hope he has found all his loved ones and is in a happier place.

R.I.P. Uncle John.

It’s All In The Smile

My version of falling in love.

I have never been in love but I think I've come as close to it as I can and I like to call them extreme crushes.

I was sitting there lost in my thoughts. I see you, I see you pass by the window. The door opens and you smile. It's all in the smile; it's always in the smile. It was at that moment I fell for you. With introductions going around the class I just remember being nervous as you reached me.

Getting to work as fast as I could, I try to occupy my mind with other thoughts that weren't you. After an hour your voice breaks my concentration. I can feel every fiber of my being tightening. I struggled to get out the words of "I'm fine". The fact that you even wanted to talk to me made my skin blush.

As time went on I saw your smile more. With each smile I was falling deeper and deeper into this pit that felt so good. I could speak to you without stumbling and I could actually hold a conversation. I could make you laugh, and I tried as much as I could just to see that heart-breaking smile again.

Looking into your shinning eyes behind the spectacles. Getting lost in those eyes. I talked to you more than I actually did the work. I always managed to finish the job though. You always made the end of my day. End of the term came the first hug. I was walking in the clouds. It was unexpected but it just felt so good. My smile never faded for the rest of the night. Even now, the thought of it brings back that same smile.

Next term, I had you again. It was a relief to see that smile again. Oh, how I missed that smile. But, this term went by too fast. I was leaving that place and when I told you, your eyes lost their sparkle. A smile was painted on and your voice lowered. My eyes lowered at the thought of having to say goodbye to you. I dreaded that day that I would eventually say the words.

The day I had been dreading for months now has come. As usual you were there smiling and warming up my heart. Then the time came, and things turned cold. It was just you and I. Looking into your eyes one last time, it took all that I had inside not to fall apart in front of you. I didn't want to say it and I didn't want you to say it. You put your arms around me. For that moment, which I prayed would last an eternity, I held on to you and you held on to me. It hurt to pull apart, it hurt even worse to look at you. You started speaking the words I didn't want you speak. We walked together to the elevator and we talked for as long as we could. It was my floor and we walked off together. The distance grew between us and we said the words that I never wanted to say to you.

Once I walked out the door and out of your sight I couldn't breathe. I couldn't hold back the floods and it all poured out. My heart broke and I missed you. I still miss you. So I say again the words I never wanted to say, Goodbye. Goodbye to the man who made me feel so good.

Breathed In, Breathed Out

Here is a personal essay I wrote on my "near death" experience.

“Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breath out. Breathe in…” Words so brilliantly said by the band Bush. Those words are what helped me get through a scary point in my life. Pain that seemed to never subside and grow with each and every passing second. I could feel my life passing away and I cried.

One day I was fine, I was normal. The only thing was that I was completely exhausted from the lack of sleep the night before. I went to my class fieldtrip and managed not to pass out. Once my friend dropped me off at my house, I decided I was going to take a nap before I went with my sister to a meeting. My eyes closed for the rest of the night. I barely remember telling my sister to leave without me. All I knew was that, the next morning I felt as if I were paralyzed.

The room was sweltering and my head was throbbing. I slowly sat up, and I felt as if I was on one of those spinning carnival rides or something like that. I had no energy in me to really move, and I could not see straight. I could not lie down because the pain would mount in my head, and if I stood up, the world around me danced in a circle. I could feel the pain in my stomach rising. I breathed in, breathed out and managed to take in some cool water while I was at it. The pain grew as my stomach twisted, and my head pounded inside my skull. The pain became a scorching burst of vomit rushing up my throat. I stumbled quickly to the bathroom toilet and let it all erupt. My stomach was furious with me for some reason, and when the hot lava of vomit finished, my stomach kept pushing me to push something out, but there was nothing. It would not end until one last but of saliva or vomit came out. I gasped for as much air as I could, and I prayed for who ever would listen to make the hell go away. Crawling back to the hot coals that I called a bed, I breathed in, breathed out.

The pit that is my stomach did not agree with me; It made me feel as if I were going to throw up all that it held. My head was pounding like a constant drumbeat. Sleep was begging me to give in and let it take hold. A wobbly trip to the bathroom became a constant in my daily and nightly routine. How I managed to get what sleep I did I have no idea. I was awake for most of the night because my head thundered so loudly it made my ears have a constant ringing.

Looking in the mirror at a ghostly sight of myself made me scared. I have always had a light complexion, but what I saw in the mirror was not who I was at all. I was pale and thinner than I once was. Too weak to move, I dragged myself to bed and I cried. I cried and cried and wondered what was wrong with me. I made up my mind that I was dying in one way or another, and I cried harder because I was not ready to die. I still had so much to live for. The fear of death has always been a phobia of mine, and I was terrified of what I thought was death coming towards me. During a trip to the toilet I cried and said, “Please… Make it stop… Please… I don’t want to feel this anymore.” Sick of it all, I told my mother to take me to the hospital. I sat in the emergency room for seven hours and I was given a bed to lie on with an IV in my hand. The room was cold, and it was hard to relax when so many people around me were suffering. After talking to the Registered Nurse-Practitioner, he informed me that I was going through migraines.

I never knew migraines could put someone through so much pain and for so long. My near-death experience was not near-death at all. Although I certainly felt as if I were dying, I had no other information at the time to prove me wrong. I still fear death because I do not want to let go of so many things that I hold dear to my heart in this world. Though I suffered through that time, I am somewhat glad I went through it because I became aware of what meant the most to me in life, and that realization got me to go out and experience things for myself and not to stay at home. I learned to finally live.

Pop

“Do you ever wonder why, this music gets you hot? It takes you on a ride…” – N’sync

Just yesterday I was sitting here on this lovely Mac computer instant messaging my dear friend Justine when she sent me a few youtube links. Much to my surprise when I clicked on them I realized I was watching very OLD videos from N’sync and the Backstreet Boys. I just have to say, videos back in the mid 90s, not to mention the European releases, were not all that good. Kind of cheesy in fact, but still it brought back an array of memories for me.

Almost 21 now I look back to my pre-teen years and I remember the songs that I loved so dearly at the time. The words are just complete crap. I mean, if any guy really said the kind of things they said to a woman they would either get:

A. Slapped
B. Kneed in the crotch
C. Laughed at
D. All of the above and then some.

For example:

“If you want it to be good girl, get yourself a bad boy” – Backstreet Boys

Come on! Haha. Even though I think those songs are pretty lame, I still love them. They do have pretty catchy rhythms and melodies. Even though I don’t dance, not in public anyway, they make me dance in my seat in front of this very screen.

I am not ashamed to admit I was an avid teenybopper. I bought all the magazines for the delicious posters that became like wallpaper. Out of all the boy groups out there I have to say my heart belonged to the Backstreet Boys. Those boys were the first to bring back that whole boy group thing and they did it right. They can really sing their butts off! I was a Howie Dorough fan; up until he straightened his ever-growing long hair then I left him for another longhaired man named David Eric Grohl.

The song Pop by N’sync has been stuck in my head since yesterday and I blame Justine for that. I love how even the silliest of songs can bring back the best of memories. The songs from my past were fun and they still are pretty fun. It was nice to look back on those fun days. But, I am glad of how much I grew from that period. Apart of me will always been a teenybopper at heart.

BSB FOREVER!

Cause I Don't Care...

I love how you're not even here for a whole day and you can pass judgment on the whole family and say we don't care. I love how you don't even stand up for yourself and your family when you know what is being said is hurtful and wrong. I love how you can't even come to our aid when we are always there to yours. I love how you all can sit there infront of the TV and act like nothing happened. I love how you can give a two shits on something that meant a lot to me. I love how you expect me to show up to your events but you can't even show up to mine. I just love how you knock me down lower into this pit of hell that I am in. I love how you make my eyes swell and flow out the burning salt waters. I love how you make me wish I could disappear. I love how you make me want to walk away and never look back. I love going into a place that I loathe just to keep up with the bills. I love that I can't leave that hell because the place I really want to be won't be enough to survive on. I just love that with everything that my flesh and bloods and I do means nothing to you. Because, after all we don't care remember? I am just in love aren't I?

I Bleed It Out...

So yea, I worked again and like the past two days not much to report. Work is meh. lol.

After work I went to In N' Out and I got the #1. Today was SO busy at work.. Worse than the normal sundays. Dumb customers.. lol.

So yea this is just a quick post because nothing interesting happend. Take care!

THIS... Is A Late Parrot!

Hola everyone,

So yea, I worked again today. I get there and when I go to the CSM, Customer Service Manager, podium and when I get there I get sent to Furnature to zone. Which isn't so bad cause I don't want to be on a register... BUT the furnature department was a MESS! I spent two hours there trying to make it somewhat presentable. Then after that I had to go on a register so there isn't much to report on. Sorry.

I come home and watch some of the Dodger game, they lost. Then I went on the net like I am now. That is pretty much it.. I ate a King Taco burrito. YUM! That shall be all. Take care!

p.s. I have watched that Parrot Sketch about 10 times atleast since I have found it hehehehe.

Meh

There's isn't much to report today...

I just worked and it was just blah. Nothing exciting ever happens at work so.. Yeah..

My mom made floutas for dinner and it was good. I bought a tank top today. It has green, brown and yellow polka dots on it. So cute.

I was checking out a video on youtube today and I took off my headphones and turn around to see 3 firemen behind me looking at my uncle.. Talk about a "WTF??" moment. My uncle had fallen and he asked my mom and grandmother to call the ambulence for him. It was all pretty weird..

Watched some of Me Neighbor Totoro and now I am here. I want to watch Dirty Jobs but people are watching tv.. BOO!! take care people!

p.s. Thanks Gina for suggesting Mew to me. They are the best!

Sun Burned... LA Film Fest!

Hola everyone!

So today I picked up my check from work and I got sun burned.. It sucks... I gotta work tomorrow.. Bah..

I went to the LA Film Fest today with my friend Maryann to see the film Does your soul have a cold?. Overallit was a pretty good film. It was very informative and it was interesting to see depression in another culture. One part that stands out in my mind was when one of the people goes to take his pills and he pulls out this big box full of all kinds of anti-depressants... C-R-A-Z-Y. What I didn't realize was I walked right by the director, Mike Mills, when I walked in to the theatre. They had a nice Q&A session afterwards and it was a pretty cool experience. The whole atmosphere for the film fest was awesome! I got the same feeling I got when I first walked on to the land of Chicago, Illinois. It was such a wonderful feeling. I felt, free. Weird I know... But, I got a taste of a world that I would love to be apart of. I want to volunteer next year for the film fest, so who wants to volunteer with me?!? I think it would be so great to be apart of that. I don't care about the fact that it is a lot of work, I just want to be apart of something that is so inspirering.

On the way home I noticed that they had a store out there called The Writer's Store and I definately want to go there when I get a chance... Maybe in the upcoming weeks.. Just go on the bus and go to Westwood and check out the area and soak up the scenary. Who wants to go with me?? Come on.. You know you are all up for an adventure! :D

Check out this site:

http://www.knockknock.biz/home.php

Tons of funny stuff there. Here is my favorite sketch from Monty Python Enjoy!:

How Did That Get There??

Here is a survey I got from a friend:

1. Do you know anyone who has gotten an abortion?
Si

2. Last awkward moment?
Probably at Denny's or Big Lots today haha

3. Who do you find yourself crushing on currently?
People >: D muahaha

4. Have you ever fallen backwards down a set of stairs?
No, but I know someone who has. lol

5. Ever been to a friend's house and starved the whole time?
A while back yea.

6. Ever found more than a dollar in a random place?
Yea, apparently a wallet carries bills.. haha

7. Name someone close to you who smokes cigarettes?
Mother, 3 Aunts, Uncle and my grandfather

8. Name 3 things that everyone knows about you?
I'm a nerd, I am a dork and I am odd.

9. When a friend walks out of your life, do you go after them or let them go?
I usually try to work things out unless it is better that they leave.

10. Have you ever been corrected at your workplace?
Yea

11. Has anyone ever been more important to you than a family member?
In a way yes cause I consider them just like family

12. Do you still see any of your ex's?
Nope

13. Last time you smiled?
Just now

14. What do you do when a telemarketer calls?
Don't answer

15. Would life be the same without alcohol?
Yea because well I don't drink the stuff so I am not missing it :D

16. Would you go a month without washing your hair to save a loved one?
Yea.. ::shudders::

17. Would you cry if you found out you were pregnant?
I would be like "WHAT THE ::BEEP BEEP BEEEEEEEEEP::" if it were at this moment.

18. Have you had "the best night of your life"?
I have had quite a few

19. Do you think your current pets will be alive ten years from now?
Maybe

20. Have you ever had sex in the bathroom?
Nope

21. When was your last bubble bath?
A year ago. I don't have a bath tub anymore so I shower.

22. Do you know anyone by the name of Dennis?
Yea lol

23. What was the last thing you ate?
Sausage.

what happened to # 24? It didn't like you so it ran away

25. Name five things you did yesterday?
Washed my bedding
Went online
Watched Dirty Jobs
Talked to Marina
Listen to music

26. Last time you consumed alcohol?
Never

27. What color phone do you have?
Silver and Black

28. How many kids do you want to have?
3 - 4

29. What outfit do you have on at this exact moment?
Jean shorts and my start shirt with a green dress over that.

30. What color are your eyes?
Hazel/Green

31. Have you ever been in love?
Nah just big crushes

32. When was the last time you drank a martini?
Never

33. Did you do any chores today?
Washed clothes and loaded the dish washer

34. What are you doing tomorrow?
Going to pick up my check, go to Jamba Juice, and then going to the LA Film Fest. WOO!

35. Do you know someone who likes you?
As in like romantically? No, but please do tell me. :D But as a person sure I know lots of people who like me.

36. Have you ever had a friend named "Fred, Frank, or Felipe"?
No

37. Name three people you met in the past two months?
HmMmMm Well, I'll make it 3 months: Natasha, Mia and Art

38. What color is your hair?
Right now it is Blue/Black but it is naturally light brown

39. Do you like toast?
Sometimes

40. Have you ever said "I Love You" and not meant it?
No that is mean.

41. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
No I do not.

# 42? Stop scaring away the questions!

43. Have you ever been teased really bad?
Occasionally

44. Do you still have feelings for anyone from your past?
Sort of but not really.

45. Did you enjoy your last kiss?
It's been so long...

46. Do you believe in ghosts?
Yea

47? So the ghosts scared away 47

48. Do you have a lot of female friends?
Si

49. Do you have a friend with benefits?
Nope

50. Who was the last person you drove with?
Marina

Ok now that the survey is out of the way we can get staight to the post. WOO! Well, today Marina and I had lunch at Denny's. Not our Denny's mind you, but a Denny's. It was our first and last time eating there together. Why? Cause our waiter decided to give himself a $10 tip but you know Marina. She ain't gonna have none of that shiznat! So I took two evil army things for the kids.. haha.

Marina gave me a beloved plastic Oscar and I shall cherish it forever haha. After we left Denny's we went to Big Lots. OoOo the fun we had in there. Quite interesting really haha. We walked in to see if we could find any doll hats, none were found by the way, and we found a bounty of other cheap but funny objects. We found an energy drink that was on clearance for .25 and a mood pen. lol. We had a few phone calls and stuff but that didn't stop us from playing with all the hardware and tools haha.

Marina invited me to a nice little gathering to the Olive Garden next Monday with her high school friends and I am to hang out with her and her friend Ashley on the 4th and pray we don't burn down her house. (): D . I think that is all that really happened today.. Take care everyone one! Enjoy this lovely photo from Granpa's Revenge:

Howdy All!

Hola everyone!

Yes, it's me again. Here to give a daily update of what I did over the course of my day. Well, I awoke around 8 am to my sister's cat's fleas crawling and biting me. So, I took all my bedding and washed it. Then I fell asleep on the couch in the living room until around 10:30am. Then I got on the computer and did my normal routine of answering e-mails and chatting with a few friends.

I spent the majority of the day watching the Dirty Jobs marathon on the Discovery Channel. That show is so entertaining. I had a good laugh at it and the host, Mike Rowe, really captures and keeps your attention. My friend Justine sent me a couple of songs today. One being, Hot/Cold (Darling, Don't) - Strata. It is very pretty and I highly suggest you all go out and check it out.

Tomorrow I will be going to Denny's with my dear friend Marina. It should be pretty interesting. I am not sure if I am going to be able to make it to my cousin Ryan's gig at BB Kings at Universal City Walk tomorrow night. I don't really have a way of getting there and I don't have anyone to go with. Still trying to work out plans for that LA Film Fest thing. Again, if anyone else is going let me know! It would be nice to see some familiar faces.

I guess that will be all for now. Not much to report on these days. Take care people!